Kinky Celebrates Birthday

Independent governor candidate Kinky Friedman celebrated his birthday Wednesday with a nosh and some salty comments about his opponents.

At a lunch with reporters at a Jewish deli, Friedman counted down what he will do next Wednesday if he is not the governor-elect of Texas after a race among Republican Gov. Rick Perry, Democrat Chris Bell, and independent Carole Keeton Strayhorn:

"If Perry wins, I retire a petulant snit on a goat farm. If Bell wins, I move to France with Barbra Streisand. If Strayhorn wins, I blow my (expletive) head off."

Nevertheless the humorist, musician and mystery writer was confident.

"I really think the people are with us. They just need to get off their butt and vote," he said over his cranberry juice and chicken pot pie.

"I tell ya, it's looking good at Kenny and Ziggy's and they ain't all Jews either," Friedman -- himself a Jew -- said after signing autographs and shaking hands.

Friedman said he didn't feel left out of Perry's two radio ads spoofing a Budweiser jingle that slams Bell and Strayhorn.

"I'm very sure we're his real enemy. That's what you do, you ignore" those who really threaten you, Friedman said. He cited the example of his mentor and former Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura, whose opponents didn't even mention him by name during campaign debates.

And what happens if Friedman does make it to the governor's mansion?

The state's two horse slaughterhouses would close and two casinos would open, he said.

"That starts immediately."